DAILY REPORT

14th March 1996

This morning I woke up to discover that my postman had been ten seconds early as he was one house further than he should have been. I do not like things with ROYAL in the title to be at all imperfect in any manner so I chased after him to abuse him greatly and explain my philosophy to him. It was only after this event that I realised that I had forgotten to put my perfectly matching garments on for the day so consequently all I was wearing was my bra and knickers with my bed electrodes still attached. I became so deeply embarrassed that I ran into my house tripping over the left of my symmetrical gnomes which was very very very DISTRESSING indeed. This event was so shocking that I thought that only common people could do such a thing. As this event is not in my own punishment guide I concluded that it deserved a session on every electrode that I own. I later reconsidered this and in the interest of saving time I decided to go on all of my electrodes at once rather than separately.

It took fifteen minutes to hook myself up to my briefcase, banister, cattle prod, foil to spark, bed, portable, bath and mains electrodes as well as sitting in my cinema screen electrodes. All of these torture items were set to the highest setting possible. I flicked the switch but nothing happened. I was in disbelief that none of my torture items worked at all!! This event led to further distressing actions as I took them all outside and burned the lot!!! I later found that it was not at the fault of my electrodes rather than when I used my foil to spark electrodes the night before I had tripped the safety switch in my fuse box. This means that I have destroyed thousands of pounds of innocently brilliant torture equipment for no reason at all, therefore, I am now going to have replace it all. In order to pay for the replacement I am going to have to receive and mark even more foreign test papers which I receive money for marking them.

When I arrived at school my day was worsened by my having to deal with THE DIRTY GIRL!!!

Daily Report Episode 5

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