21st March 1996

Today I had to have swift words with my postman as he was over 20 seconds late, of which I had to miss in my 15 minute book reading session. I forgot, however, to add this time later in the day. The punishment fro this crime must be quite severe as a mind that can forget cannot rule a perfect school. After careful consideration I have decided that the punishment is to last 2.5 weeks. Firstly, I am to go without reading 1 chapter in my current book. Secondly, I must use my new cattle prod electrodes twice a day as soon as it arrives.

My second point that I need to make is quite important as it concerns all other perfectionists like myself. It has come to my attention that my new car electrodes sometimes do not perform to the correct standard specified in the manual. I have taken immediate action relating to this abysmal finding firstly by writing to the manufacturers and secondly to the Fair Trading Standards Offices. Finally I have also written a letter to ‘Perfectionists Monthly’ which all other perfectionists read. I hope all other perfectionists take action and stop the sale of these unreliable torture items.

I am very glad to report that my journey to school today was uninterrupted, however, this almost not so as a certain pupil whom I will not name stepped out in front of me yet moved away in time. I have made a note of this pupils name and if this happens again I shall consider telling them about electrodes and what good they can do you in maintaining self discipline.

The first matter if the day that I had to attend to was quite distressing as I had to deal with a girl who does not seem to have any sense of cleanliness as she has NITS! These micro-genic foul disgusting obnoxious creatures crawling around on a persons head. The thought is despicably horrible. This is absolutely foul but I must deal with all of my tasks. I called her into my office through a perfect note to her form teacher when she entered I could see the nits scurrying around on her head. Whilst speaking to her I had to keep my distance otherwise I may become INFECTED! The thought of these appalling things running around on my perfect head makes me shiver! I almost touched her head when I reached for my notebook so as soon as she left I immediately went to the toilets and cleaned my hair with the best shampoo available. I repeated the washing several times before I was completely satisfied. I think there should be a punishment so I have decided that I must go on my cinema surround interactive dirt screen. This is the perfect chance to test my new film called "Smelly, Horrible, Dirty Children" which I appropriately named myself.

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