25th March 1996

Last night I was completely appalled when I was woken by my bed electrodes as I had moved 1mm to my left. This annoyed me considerably because I have done this twice in the last two weeks. My extra punishment for this crime must be considerable as I have repeated the crime more than once in the last week. I have been considering a new form of punishment for some time and I am going to interrupt my perfect schedule, for which there will also be a punishment, to visit my newsagent and subscribe to ‘Torturers Paradise’ to find a new way of maintaining total self discipline. However, I must still punish myself for these crimes so I am to go without watching the news for a week which I am not looking forward to at all.

I today purchased a product which I saw completely by accident as the news was over 1 minute late. This advert displayed a product which claimed to be perfect. The product in question is 'Loreal Perfection'. After careful tests I have found that this product is not perfect at all. This is a horrifying discovery and I intend to investigate this further. I have already received a letter from my other perfectionist friend in school as she has also discovered that this product is not perfect either.

To my horror I discovered that whilst marking a quite imperfect pupil's work I accidentally wrote the letter B at an angle that is quite imperfect. This was a disgusting finding and I became so appalled that I took my sandwiches that I was just about to eat and threw them in the bin. However, this was not a good enough punishment so I started to charge up my mobile electrodes on the highest setting but they overloaded as I had used them too much lately. I was still wearing my bra electrodes so I used them instead.

As my mobile electrodes malfunctioned I had to purchase some new ones but whilst perusing the shelves I noticed that they had the brand new, all body cover, foil-to-spark electrodes. After careful consideration I decided that they were a very good investment so I bought them, took them home and tested them. They were absolutely brilliant as this will help me keep perfect self discipline.

Daily Report Episode 8

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