12th April 1996

When I woke up this morning I found it to be quite a normal day, however, I soon noticed that a foul bird had crapped on both of my chimney pots. I hate crap so I immediately got out the appropriate cleaning equipment and my ladders and I went straight up onto the roof and made my way to the DIRTY chimney pot where I began to scrub with all my available strength.

Soon after all of the bird crap was gone the roof became slippery so I took extra care in my steps. This was not at all good enough and I fell head first off the roof.. I was travelling so fast that I ripped nearly all of my perfect garments revealing my body to the prying neighbours which bought many dirty looks and to add to the distress I landed in my perfectly round pond.

When I emerged I realised how dirty the pond water was as it was all over my perfect body. This meant that I had to go inside then wash and change my perfect garments as they were no longer perfect.

Due to the delays I arrived at school 3 seconds late which is appalling as my perfectionist friend was waiting in the car park where she then gloated at my lateness. She then commented on the loss of the badge on the front of my car which totally infuriated me because this was the third appalling event of the day which deserves my cinema screen torture equipment to be used for one hour every day for the rest of the year.

Daily Report Episode 10

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