Eine Habe My Diary

I have many friends thanks to my abundance of positive personality traits and lack of negative traits.

I must deal with many irritations on a daily basis many of which are not applicable to student life. It seems that being very very very intellectual means that I must endure more crazy demands than most other people. In order to remain effective I must have escapes and releases from these stressful periods. An example is the recent incident where my nut allergy was activated and being sick.

I often like to meet with my very cool friends at some random locations in the country where the re-enactment of famous battles are played out. These events can and have lasted several days. I have known some of these people from when I was quite young. Fortunately one of my friends invited me to another such a re-enactment of a battle in Wales. I decided that a brief time away would be beneficial.

Our group is very exclusive with a wide range of people being men between the ages of 30 and 55 from all walks of life. We sometimes get stares and are avoided (no doubt out of jealously) when we dress in our leather outfits of various design. I like leather. We have rudimentary weapons and I can report most of my friends carry large weapons too. Many people have wished to join our club and have been rejected for numerous reasons. Thankfully people no longer attempt to infiltrate us but we often receive unfriendly welcomes which I have concluded is because of our entry policy.

As we are performing the act of battle we are obviously of the larger, more formidable variety of males as I have mentioned before. There is a real rush felt between us when there is lots of action taking place.

When my friend informed me of the event I assumed this particular weekend would have been the re-enactment of the epic battle in which the Welsh triumphed over the English and the Scottish in a single afternoon to become the dominant culture on the British Isles. Ireland was conquered the following afternoon. We would not be in Wales otherwise. I was most excited.

We arrived mid afternoon and erected our tents. Naturally I was one of the quickest to finish and one of the other guys asked if was going to put up a four poster bed next to the tents which I found amusing!

We have a tradition where we eat the cuisine of the victors for our evening feast. Since the Welsh are victorious and some of my friends are Welsh, I should have eaten traditional Welsh cuisine which my mother, the writer, has been seriously lacking in of late. It was at this point however where the event could have had a rather different outcome if I did not act.

The current leader announced the plan for the epic recreation the following morning. I became most upset as his version of history did not tally with mine declaring the English won. I objected and his petty response was to stay faithful to history. Not only was his history wrong but where is the logic in repeating a battle only to loose? I described how my presence alone bolstered my army to such a degree that we were effectively impossible to beat.

Because of this outrage there was therefore no Welsh cuisine! He tried to argue and several "no's" had him walking off defeated. I ended telling him he should try to aspire to my level and go to university and learn history!

After a crap meal I went to bed slightly angry. The thought of this uneducated 'riff-raff' moving through my homeland is horrible and I was not going to suffer defeat in it. I then had a cunning plan of enormous magnitude which I shared with several of the Welshman I was sleeping with.

In the morning we assumed our positions. I therefore took command and then lead us to victory! The element of surprise worked totally in my favour.

Before returning home we had lunch where my victory was discussed. Whilst a few English guys (or losers) were slightly annoyed at the change whereas others found it amusing and happy with my suprise laughing it off which I admire them for but I could tell (obviously) they were totally devastated by their defeat.

One of my friends (on the loosing team) did insist that I swap my meal with his because he had issues with the gravy which I was happy to do; food being one of the many spoils of war!

Later that evening I had a disturbing problem with digestion. What had caused this I do not know. I had suddenly felt very sick. I had to abandon my tent, run through the bushes, take off my jacket, lock the door, remove my glasses, pull down my trousers and pants and prepare myself for whatever was to leave my body. It was clearly something that I had not eaten, that is non-Welsh cuisine in Wales!

Episode 6

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