Eine Habe My Diary

Last night was Carnage! I was most excited about this event for several reasons. It is an unsophisticated event where the student populous binge drink and become ill whilst moving from one drinking establishment to next. Obviously I am, and was unaffected by such levels of alcohol. I was particularly excited that Thom was to be joining us and will have a good time with him.

These events are themed and fortunately it was military for which I have an abundance of experience with the battles involving my many cool friends. I thought that I would grace them with my august presence as a surprise to bolster their squad. In preparation I had purchased several weightlifting magazines last week and have made myself look formidable.

Since I am the only Welsh person in the university I will be flying the flag of Wales (and Germany) at this event whose military accomplishments speak for themselves.

After the sessions at university we attended the drinking establishment (pub). Watto in a petty attempt at competition began drinking in the afternoon even though the event starts in the evening.

Later that evening I prepared for war decorating myself accordingly with symbols of my military strength. I arrived at the meeting place slightly late and was devastated to hear that Thom had pulled out at the last minute. I have heard Marion making reference to this habit.

I was deeply disappointed and resolved myself to enduring a night of Watto and Knowsit that would probably involve criminal activities. Knowsit had also bought with him what can only be described as outsiders who could never hope to go to university. I had planned this opportunity to show my drinking prowess (yet again) so the more people to witness the better.

An outsider challenged me to a game Pool. To the delight of the buffoons I actually lost the game but for a very good reason; the glasses I was wearing were not compatible with the cue I was holding and vastly affected my hand-eye co-ordination. After my assessment of this person; this outsider could not possibly understand even if I were to explain.

We began to move locations and Knowsit, in typical intoxicated fashion tried to pick a fight with one of the stewards because apparently he looked ‘gay’. This backward homophobic response shows the level of intelligence of where they originate which I know now to avoid.

At the next location my men went to the dance floor whereas I naturally went to the bar. I purchased juice based drinks then I marched onto the dance floor and saluted my comrades. I immediately drank all of them observing the look of shock on their faces. Then some female approached me and danced almost upon me! I did not dance back only because I found the actions of this harlot to be quite distasteful and struck me as something Marrion would do.

I noticed that her decoration sported a rank of only lieutenant. I obviously had a superior rank and announced myself as the rear admiral of our squad.

We proceeded to the final location and on the way Knowsit and the outsider almost got into another fight as they violently molested a female steward. Watto observed in despicable perverted fashion and took several pictures!

There was one such incident where I waited an unfathomable amount of time in order to get served. Because of this I ordered two drinks with the strongest type of Vodka available and in double measure.

Upon leaving the final location I became very happy that I and my men had dominated the event with the power of my Welsh and German heritage combined. I had the uncontrollable urge to celebrate and had an outburst though this was intentional and in a controlled manner.

People began to leave in taxi's and several drivers refused me entry accusing me of being too intoxicated because they could not understand what I was saying! In reality they do not understand intellectual people from posh areas! (as we are more difficult to rip off). I became rather annoyed so ultimately I walked home which did not bother me since my shoes were compatible.

This afternoon however disturbing pictures of the event began to surface. Oh my lord! There was an image of me molesting a lamppost, another wearing a traffic cone on my head and one where I had my t-shirt over my head on the dance floor! I have no recollection of this! They obviously doctored these using a computer. Clearly these extremely sad individuals which I had socialised with had spent several hours doing this whereas I did not feel the effects of alcohol or the loudness and simplicity of the music and resumed my studies immediately. This is how they show their gratitude for me keeping them company and bolstering the squad.

Later I will be going to Woodwoods where along with my usual purchases I will get two ginger bread men with whom I will torture in a variety of ways to vent my anger I have for Watto and Knowsit!

Episode 10

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