Eine Habe My Diary

Today was the beginning of a new era, even if not what I had originally intended, but a new era regardless as a result of some torrid and stressful events to say the least which I believe have substantially damaged the class and how posh I appear being associated with my family.

Now I have a plan of action! Here, I am about to describe another day of scandalous behaviour which I have had to endure (no doubt as a penance for me eventually scoring a really high mark when the final results are known) and will then continue detailing my marvellous plan.

It was a few days later when the stresses of the final period of assignments and exams began to wear off for my university associates. These issues would not have affected me, however, the destruction of Woodwoods and the apprehension of Jeremy left me ambivalent - that means having positive and negative feelings toward the same person, object, or action at the same time.

After some light morning research with my weightlifting magazines the plan for the rest of the day was meeting with Thom and unfortunately the rest of my (technically) former class associates before most of us would head our separate ways. I intended to give them the advice they needed for the future.

The journey to the university was the usual torrid affair of loud silly girls wearing too much fragrance and drug barons. I even saw one drunken old man being sick in an alleyway. I will be starting a new novel purely for entertainment as I would like to give my brain a rest from all the absorption of information I have been doing of late but for the time being I unwound by listening to Scissor Sisters on my Ipod.

I met Leo and Knowsit at the entrance. There was not a "watto" to be heard. Perhaps the upcoming trouncing in the next set of results has tempered him? Is he trying to ensure he has at least one friend to speak to outside of his student life? I offered greetings and salutations. Thom joyfully emerged from the library entrance and had returned many books as he had panicked and gone overboard with his subscriptions. He had a suitcase which he dragged behind him like an air hostess. He walked like one too; something I had noticed from behind but never clarified.

He commented that he never read most of the text books and will not again on those topics and wanted to be rid of them. I felt this was an abuse of the library system but he then destroyed his library card in front of us! Whilst a shocking statement in itself he said the case needed to be empty to go away for the summer. The thought of not seeing Thom for such a long time made me physically ill. I pondered what this meant now that he had been single since the time of the Carnage. I wondered if this was related to his references of trying new experiences. I had a few ideas of things we could do. Thom could splash about in the pool and I could read my novels.

We then proceeded to the drinking establishment (pub) where Marrion was apparently awaiting our august presence. I was quietly relieved about how this could be one of my last times in a place where such skulduggery and mockery had occurred against me! I never liked it. I had also taken the decision to wear my Wales T-Shirt in order 'fly the flag' in protest of how Welsh students (me) have been treated.

Inside I scouted the area and it was filled with familiar faces (including the interloping Welshman Oddy) celebrating and parting company, many of whom had been about the university at various times but never completed their studies. The reason being clear: they never associated with me. However, sitting with Marrion was a female whom I had not seen before. She seemed pleasant enough. Physically very satisfactory with nice lustful hair and pleasant voice. Marrion, in her normal salacious tone greeted with the line “these are my men”. Thom went alongside this girl and pecked her on the cheek. Slightly taken back I deduced this was his new girlfriend. Marrion introduced us all and I extended greetings and salutations.

I spent next period drinking and listening to Knowsit and Leo who were commenting on their celebrations following the end of all university work. Knowsit recounted all of the criminal activity in which he was involved with over the weekend; starting fights and kicking down gates etc. I would make him wish he never met me out in the night. Drunken idiots. I commented on how I like to assault real targets like I have been trained in my Street Fighting lessons rather than defenceless garden boundaries.

There were one or two jibes regarding the work of my mother, the writer, specifically if she was planning a pamphlet drop from an aircraft anytime soon. I retorted with a drop being planned with a pamphlet about bullying in higher education! This did not offend me as their techniques for telling jokes (sent mostly via text message) still need improvement.

Me, Thom and Marrion were recounting some of our memories of university with me mostly correcting the others on their inaccuracies. This girl was somewhat critical of me after I had earlier introduced myself as the saviour of the group and annoyingly seemed to bond with Marrion very quickly. They were giggling incessantly like the Bus Bimbo's I've encountered and I got the distinct impression I was being made a mockery of especially when I had commented on my superior physique and getting across the point that my brain operates differently to theirs and is therefore also superior.

At this point she asked if I was posh or otherwise privileged and before I had chance to answer "yes!" to both of those questions Knowsit spouted that "you do not have to be posh to be privileged", which was clearly a direct shot at me so I countered with "privilege and being posh; like the chicken and the egg", which vexed them. Simpletons. And this girl laughed at me! More mockery!

Naturally the discussion headed into the realms of our work and final results and we all predicted our results. I obviously predicted a very high score based on the strength of my dissertation.

Declaring that he is extremely fussy, this girl assured how sexy Thom's dissertation looked. I was convinced she used a different word beginning with “D” at first due to background noise, but after mentioning being bound in leather and gold engraving I concluded she was talking about his work. The background noise was from the others teasing him and agreeing with her on his erratic behaviour. I was slightly shocked he would keep this high-quality copy as his personal one. He should have submitted this copy in the hope that better presentation would earn an extra mark or two from the reader since he needed all the marks he can get after dropping chapters.

She exposed how he panicked severely during the time of writing and how much time he spent consulting with the rest of our associates at the last minute. Most annoyingly when writing the Literature Review! If I had known he was going to commit such academic treachery it would not have gone unchallenged and I declared how all of my copies were of the same quality because the work is superior. Further, I was extremely annoyed that he ignored my advice (when we went to Retro China) and instead consorted with Leo about this specific chapter as it was now known the rest of the group did also, and what annoyed more was how Leo got such universal praise, AND FOR WHAT? Now I understood why Thom did not let me preview his work! Then all of them toasted the Machiavellian Leo for helping them greatly over the years! I felt unappreciated and betrayed!

My prowess for consuming food had already been reported along with my other superiorities and naturally this lead to the discussion of a meal. This establishment, as previously reported, would no way produce a dish similar in stature to Hairrie Sack. Everyone preferred a cheap option and Leo suggested a sandwich from a supermarket. Knowsit obviously agreed and then Thom interjected how much an improvement there is in taste when a sandwich is cut diagonally and voiced his concern that there is no guarantee that it would be cut at such an angle. They dismissed him but his girlfriend was objectionable showing she has no talent for debate. This is something me and him could have debated intensely if it was not for this irritating girl. Whilst his theory of triangulation is most intriguing and deserves more research, it reminded me just as to why I enjoy Thom’s company.

I took offence at how he allowed this creature to invade our drinking establishment (pub). This was not a new girlfriend as it emerged. She was whom he had broken up with when planning the Carnage as she made a reference to their holidays last summer and that they were making plans for this summer! Why are they back together? What level of education has she had? Clearly she is not good enough for him. This harlot was going to corrupt Thom with something debauched no doubt.

I had to drink substantial amounts to tune out her annoying voice as her and Marrion (who was picking out targets for one last shag) were acting silly only much more loudly. The alcohol clearly affected them greatly. I could not imagine her being nothing more than a mere waitress or barmaid! Thom is clearly weak minded, duplicitous and has extremely bad judgement if he thinks that 'Watto' would provide any useful help and got re-acquainted with this person who will not accept me.

Thom and Knowsit were having a discussion (naturally basic and loud at this point) having opposing views regarding the concept of reality TV shows. I believe a show called 'Big Brother' was making headlines. Aware of the concept I declared the format pointless and boring for which everyone agreed. My feeling of achievement and contentment was short lived however as it was at this time Leo chirped in with the suggestion that such a show based on the live invasion and conquering of Wales would be one of the funniest things he had ever seen and under the delusion there was a huge market for it. Whilst others found this heinous concept hilarious I was outraged.

He further barked about how it being a "crap country because it is not actually a country but a principality". He quoted some irrelevant high suicide rate in a remote and obscure town in Wales as proof of nobody wanting to live there! He contended that describing Wales as a pleasant place is (I think he used these words) “demonstrably fallacious”, which are clearly words of his own invention. My sister is an etymologist; if these words existed I would know! And I strongly objected and cursed him as a perfect symbol of English tyranny - though he uses the English language like a rubix cube.

Then, this bint on Thom's arm chirped in and declared that she actually liked Wales; but preferred Dolphins! I was utterly furious, so much so, I began to see white spheres!

Not able to insert my wisdom into these people (drunk or otherwise) I was the first to leave the drinking establishment (pub) and possibly some people behind forever safe in the knowledge that even before the results are known, I triumphed at being a student and resolved not to reveal my final mark. The difficulties with university bureaucracy were no match either.

Later that evening the swine 'Watto' had sent me a link to a website describing how Wales is not a country but a principality! Not willing to swallow this, I performed extensive research and unfortunately his sources and mine appear to be accurate! Damn this swine to hell! The next time see him I will hit him so hard he will begin to see white spheres! I can live with this discovery but radical action is required…and I lay awake for hours thinking of a global solution. Which I have now arrived at...

So what is my plan? Considering all that has happened in the last few days with the people and events I have endured it has lead me to this state of mind.

My home situation is no longer as it was. My mother, the writer, is a primary source of shame. My father, the educator, is a primary source of shame and my sister, the etymologist, is a primary source of shame. We are no longer paragons of class.

My glorious dual heritage of Germany and Wales has now taken a hit adding to the overall decline in the defining aspects of my life.

So far there has been little application of my intellect. This will be more so that university has come to an end even though it was not greatly appreciated, and my local area is populated with despicable denizens bereft of class. I have witnessed so many sights that are devoid of posh yet people are willing to live this way! I can not.

I now will declare that the world is not posh enough!

And therefore I will create a new world that is posh, will remain posh so therefore to keep the class it will need to be isolated – an island! It will be where my ideas will rule!

I will forgo the planned reading of my latest novel, a story about a young man who committed suicide after years of repressing homosexual tendencies and being rejected by his best friend as I will be planning this operation to the finest detail. For example, I will obviously be in complete charge of all computers and networking on the island.

I am very motivated and this has already occupied a vast amount of my thought processes. I now keep a notepad on me at all times planning and recording ideas wherever I may be; on the bus, when eating and more so when talking to others.

I will prepare a list of selected individuals whom will receive special greetings and salutations to live in my new society. Only those who will have skills that can be used will be included. It is questionable that I take my tarnished family.

For example, there will be more focus on respect, especially for the men who create the backbone of the society. I have already decided that sex will be legal at a much younger age than I have been accustomed to, and with reduced rights to refuse. I have already completed notes for the judicial system during my time on the bus going to my Street Fighting lesson.

I am sure my friends and associates will be thrilled and greatly appreciative when I invite some of them. Only those who I adore will be able to come with me. So far, Thom is eligible as he can be redeemed. As my plans for the island will prove, people will want to be around me as they request to be included.

Preliminary names include The Country of New Wales, New Germany and Reedland. I have selected an area (via the Internet) and my interpretation of the law allows me to claim this territory as my own. The icy conditions of the region will mean the new society will have to be mostly subterranean.

So for now, I have decided not to continue these entries that bring you my valuable insights as I must concentrate on building a new world on my island. I imagine my plans will not take long to culminate so for the interim I am predicting further successes with the powers I will have after collecting my degree.

As you, my reader, will have read, even in this small window of my life I decided to record for your benefit, I know I have already taught you invaluable lessons and no doubt you, my reader, appreciate the efforts. I have been highly successful to a high degree and any of the accidents/unpleasantness was absolutely no fault of my own. I have been most brave in revealing these incidents to you. Now my existence has been horribly altered and I am working on creating a new one.

Being able to provide you, my reader, with this information as well as my stressful time at university has shown you how impressive I am and particularly how I have carried my associates. I can understand how placing your own life now in context to my own could upset you. You should at least of learnt the following lessons.

There is no extra respect for being and making it known that you are either more intellectual or posh than other people.

Women should be used for the mundane tasks. Their own behaviour towards me (bad dancing, giggling and poor service) proves they are not capable of anything else.

You must make yourself valuable in more than one walk of live. As you have read, I am valuable to not only my university associates but also my many cool friends.

You can survive university if you have a unique slant and carry your friends with you allowing them also achieve more than if they were alone. The ungrateful ones will be noticeable as they will try to make a mockery of you.

You can see things happen to me. Woodwoods for example! It just had to be and no one else for me to bring you wisdom from the trauma.

Friends will easily betray a potentially lasting relationship and their education for sex. This is mostly applicable to student life. As a student you can have a good body

You should always be observant, vigilant and ready to adapt quickly learning new things.

You should read this and decide not to be a great as me because you have now seen the things that happen. Beware of this. And any things that may have appeared bad on the surface would have happened because of penance and please do not be concerned as they will make me stronger.

And in closing, if you process my entries correctly, you will no longer have to endure the most pedestrian of accomplishments. People will want to be around you living the superior life for which you bring them.

My continued success,

your improvements,

and my love.

[The End]

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